One day, I asked someone to wash a stain from the sidewalk. He poured detergent near the stain, filled a bucket with water and poured it over the detergent. Then he took a broom and lathered the soap, pushing the water and soap over towards the stain. Once I saw him do that, I became instantly angered. As a practitioner, I turned inward and asked myself, “Why am I angry?” The answer that popped up was, “He is stupid. He is wasting water, wasting time, and wasting detergent. He’s sloppy. He could’ve done this better by putting a bit of detergent in a bucket, adding some water, and pouring some of the mixture on the stain. Then scrub the stain and rinse. Obviously.”
Then I thought, well, that’s my way of doing things. This is his method. So when the water dries and the stain is still there, just wait. I’m going to yell at him. But guess what happened? When the water dried, the stain was gone. Even though he used a lot of water, time, and detergent, the goal was accomplished. Instead of having to scrub the stain out by myself, I was able to direct my time and energy towards another task.
Now, is it always true that my method will be the best in all circumstances? If my method was always the best, that would indicate permanence. I was basing my happiness and suffering on this unwavering notion. However, in reality, as I had just seen, there are many ways to accomplish a single goal. So what is used to determine which method is best? Does that also depend on the circumstances and the judge? If there is isn’t a set of guidelines that everyone will agree on, then what is the point of getting all worked up about a bucket, water, and detergent?
It’s funny how we create our own suffering. I know a better way, I know a more efficient way. The way your are doing it will not give ME the end result I want…..or will it? There are times when we are waiting for them to fail so we can say (or at least think) “I told you so.” This waiting for their failure is also suffering, though we think we will feel good about ourselves by saying it and if the end result meets our expectation, some of us get angry at the fact that their way of doing it was just as good as ours, which is another form of suffering. But we can avoid all this suffering by knowing that there are many paths one can take to get to the desired end result and if someone wants to help, we should be grateful. If the end result is what we expected, then great. If it’s not, we should still be grateful for the help which was given, because really, if the stain didn’t disappear, how do we know that our method would have worked any better. One word pushes the suffering away and helps me see clearer and that word is “impermanence”
here are my two satangs: It’s funny how we create our own suffering. I know a better way, I know a more efficient way. The way your are doing it will not give ME the end result I want…..or will it? There are times when we are waiting for them to fail so we can say (or at least think) “I told you so.” This waiting for their failure is also suffering, though we think we will feel good about ourselves by saying it and if the end result meets our expectation, some of us get angry at the fact that their way of doing it was just as good as ours, which is another form of suffering. But we can avoid all this suffering by knowing that there are many paths one can take to get to the desired end result and if someone wants to help, we should be grateful. If the end result is what we expected, then great. If it’s not, we should still be grateful for the help which was given, because really, if the stain didn’t disappear, how do we know that our method would have worked any better. One word pushes the suffering away and helps me see clearer and that word is “impermanence”
Another thought:
It’s funny how these situations are “no win” situations because everything IS two-sided and NOT one-sided. It’s a vicious circle. However, the minute one realizes and accepts that you CAN’T WI, then one DOES WIN and the suffering disappears….